James Cook appears to have suffered an unfortunate blowout in his pants during MNF, slop tacos & happy Aikman

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Just when Josh Allen needed James Cook to squeeze out a statement performance, the Buffalo running back delivered in a big way last night against the Vikings. With Allen running for his life against the NFL's No. 1 scoring defense, Cook handled the rock 31 times for a brutal 107 yards and a touchdown as Buffalo won with ease, 23-6.

Cook's performance wasn't the only conversation last night. The Internet believes James might've pooped his pants. We're not saying it, but others are. "James Cook is going to need us," DUDE Wipes tweeted on a video of Cook running against the Vikings with the brown spot very visible.

Naturally, the alleged deuce stain turned into a conspiracy theory. "Literally yellow paint," a poop stain truther fired back at DUDE Wipes.

Meanwhile, football tough guys were busy fighting their own fights. They contend this is just the sign of someone giving 110% on the field. "If you think an athlete pushing his body to the absolute limit doesn’t result in this sometimes, then you don’t know ball," some account called Points Per Reflection tweeted all seriously.

How do football players (allegedly) poop their pants? Glad you asked because I found a guy who goes by Johnny Bongwater who seems to be an expert. "Getting hit in the abdomen causes involuntary release sometimes," he says.

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This story is all over my Facebook timeline. Remember, I live 15 minutes from SE Michigan. It's pretty much suburban Toledo and Detroit combined which turns into headlines like this one. The story here is that Bedford HS was playing Grosse Pointe in a playoff football game. Grosse Pointe says a Bedford football parent entered a school hallway at some point during the night and dropped a deuce...and they HAVE VIDEO!

I've never needed a court case like I need a court case out of this one. I need prosecutors grilling this guy on what made him drop trough and let it rip. I'm no lawyer, but I know this one needs to make it to the discovery stage. I need a jury trial. I need this on Court TV.

So far, this video has 6,200 likes, but isn't this just a slop taco? Don't get me wrong, these look amazing, and I'd crush a three-pack with no problem, but look at how these end up so sloppy after the sauces are added. Here's my advice: put all that on nachos.

I'll say it again, the United States has a nachos problem, especially in the Midwest. Now, bring that slop to NW Ohio, put it on chips and keep the margaritas coming and you have yourself a business that will be PACKED.

• Jake W. noticed something was different last night: Lots of joking tonight between the two of them. Amends must’ve been made. 

Kinsey: I had the game on in a YouTubeTV quad box, but muted.

• Randy T. on all the flags the refs are throwing: I just caught up with today’s screencaps where Mike T in Idaho complained about the flags. There absolutely needs to be a time limit on a replay review. In my opinion, the limit should be 2 minutes. If you can’t tell in that amount of time, whatever was called on the field stands. If it’s a case where they want replay to figure it out because they haven’t a clue, then the white hat makes the call after 2 minutes based on whatever he sees on the screen.

NFL EXECS AND COACHES WANT LEAGUE TO REIN IN 'OUT OF CONTROL' OFFICIALS AND HOPE SUSPENSIONS SIGNAL A START

If he’s later proved wrong, so be it. He made the best call with whatever information he had (and pointing out that he’s got however many replay officials to talk to). You could even make the guy who holds the commercial timer on the field keep track of the time and start it once they get to the screen.

• Jon C. is equally as worn out by the flags: Yes the refs and flags are a little ridiculous but what I hate more is all the TV timeouts.  As a season ticket holder to Local U, it has become a noticeable problem.  Strip-sack-fumble recovery, big momentum change.  Decibel meter reading 120.  Hold your enthusiasm while we sell you on Fan Duel, Bud Light, and Viagra.  It interrupts the flow of the game more than flags.  Just superimpose someone’s logo in the corner of the screen for 5 minutes at a time at let the game play out.

FROM PHANTOM PASS INTERFERENCE TO IGNORED FACEMASK CALLS, NFL OFFICIATING FAILURES DEFINED WEEK 3

Kinsey: Mike T. is so fired up over the flags that he even sent me a link to NFL penalty research. The data proves that flags are being thrown at an historic pace.

https://vertizesports.com/blog/nfl-penalties-by-season

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• Jess in Alabama asks an interesting question: What are your thoughts on YouTubeTV offering the choice to pay for the zen to replace commercials at some point? Each household that tunes in is obviously worth a certain amount in advertising, so how much to pay for the zen to make up for ad money? You might know this off the top of your head. The zen over the commercials is great. Especially with children watching.

Kinsey: This is an intriguing question that needs to be a deeper conversation. Gemini says that viewers would need to pay $50 to $80 extra per month to replace the value that subscribers bring to networks.

But, we know that networks will never let this happen. I'd also probably be out of a job because Fox would lose eyeballs that drive ad sales.

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After 31 years, Hooters in Aurora, Colorado will be closing this Sunday. This tragic news will leave the state with just two remaining locations as Hooters continues its downsizing that's been going on for a couple of years.

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It's not a great time to be a breastaurant in Colorado. Back in October, the Lakewood Twin Peaks closed after 13 years in business.

• Rob M. in Florida fires back at Jason DeM.: Good morning to all, including whoever the hell Irish fan Jason is, today, one thought. Notre Dame- Credit where credit is due, you beat the number one team on a big stage Saturday. You showed up when you needed to and put yourself in contention for the prize, you’ve earned it this year. It’s always been the same for me when it comes to ND, win the big games, join a conference, play a real schedule and win a championship, just that simple.

You have now accomplished one of those four things this year, congratulations , the playoffs await. Look, I hope ND does well this year, I truly believe that college football is better when the big schools are good, regardless of if I like them. I had no rooting interest in the ND/Miami game, I don’t like either program, cheering for either one of those teams is like choosing which STD you want, no real good outcome either way. By the way, I had to look up what "STIBD" meant, ok, if we’re going to act like we’re 12 years old, I guess we can. Jason, you got me, the old guy had to Google the insult, you should be very proud of yourself, ND should be proud. I can’t wait for ND’s next big win when you hit me with a "Nanny Nanny Boo Boo".

Jason, bring something real to the table next time, but maybe you actually did, if the first thing you thought about after the big win was getting to the keyboard and tapping out an insult to me, my job here is done. Living rent free in someone’s head in the greatest column in America will work for me, a rather nice accomplishment for a Monday morning if I do say so.